Where do we Stand
by mikkir
Summary: Olivia and Alex pairing, don't like don't read... A/O
1. Chapter 1

Where do we Stand

Not mine, I own nothing… If I did, Alex and Olivia would have hooked up by now and they would have some awesome love pad somewhere in New York with your typical 2.5 kids.

Part 1

"Hey El, we gotta 1020 on a possible suspect…" Liv said rushing out the door, grabbing her coat along the way…

Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler had been partners for nearly ten years, and Detective Stabler new his partner better than anyone and he could tell when something wasn't setting right with her. He knew she was off her game, she had been for a while now. He wanted to help her, to fix her, but he wasn't sure how. Grabbing his coat and following her out the door, he kept his brotherly eye on her, he hoped she would talk or give some sign, clue or hint that would tell him what he could do to fix her, to help her.

Following Olivia out the door, Elliot kept his distance, trying to study her as he followed behind. "What El? What's on your mind?" Olivia asked. She could feel his eyes on her, questioning every move she made.

"You okay, Liv? You know, you can talk to me about anything? Right? You know I am here for you, no matter what?" Elliot tried his best to convince his partner that he was there for her. He could read her body language, and gage what mood she was in. He hoped that she would trust him enough to help her out, enough to let him in before it was to late.

"Yeah, El, I'm fine…" She sighed, "I just, oh, I don't know… I have a funny feeling is all… Something isn't setting right with the case. You know how it is.?" Although, Olivia did have an odd feeling about the current case they were working, that wasn't what was bothering her. Her feelings for a certain blonde that used to be their ADA, and her un-expected return was wrecking havoc on her subconscious thoughts.

Heading to the car, Elliot thought about Olivias' comment. He knew something was up, and he knew it wasn't primarily about the case. Something else was bothering his partner, but what, he wasn't sure. He didn't have time to ponder it now, so rather than waist anymore time on it, he shoved it to the back of his mind, for future scouring.

Looking up, Elliot could see his partner waiting for him… leaning against the car with a distant look painting her features. Lost in thought, a million miles away, Elliot wished there was something more he could do for her, but Olivia just wouldn't let him in. She wouldn't let anyone now-a-days.

She had been distant, even some what absent since the lovely ADA's timely return to their world, a mere shell of herself since Alex walked up to them on the side walk, asking what they had while they were in the middle of a case. As if she had never left, leaving them both somewhat discombobulated. He could see the hurt in his partners eyes felt the tension in her voice when she spoke to the counselor. He knew she had tried to make contact with their former ADA, and he knew she was all but put in her place when the ADA didn't not return her calls. He watched Olivia slowly die, destroying herself, while the ADA moved on with her life. That day, on the side walk, Elliot new with out a doubt, that his partner actually died inside. The rest of her days would be spent just buying time till her body caught up with her heart.

Olivia began to spiral downward from that day on. The light, gone from her eyes, her soul slowly crashes from the depths within, breaking, shattering into tiny pieces. Gone was the love for her job, the will to go on. She never knew that caring for a person who did not return your feelings would hurt and destroy one so much.

Olivia would show up to work, a ghost of herself. Gaunt, hollow eyes; she had slowly drawn into herself. Weeks passed and the weight dropped from her frame. Elliot could see the affect Alex had on his partner, but helpless and clueless has to how to pull her out of her funk of despair. He knew it was a matter of time before things finally caught up with her. And it did, a foot chase would inevitably be what would bring the once vivacious detective down.

The foot chase led them down an alley, around a bin, and through a vacant lot; they were heading toward a subway entrance. Olivia took the lead, gaining on the suspect as he crashed into unsuspecting pedestrians… tripping down the steps, the suspect pushed and shoved his way through the crowd. Elliot saw the reflection of metal and the blast of black powder before Olivia new what hit her. Down she went, tumbling down the steps like a broken rag doll, her head bouncing off of the concrete steps as she went pitching head over heels.

Olivia came to a halt, her head cracking the ground with a sickening thud at the base of the steps. Her lifeless body twisted and bent. From her chest, the red viscous fluid seeped out onto her clothing. Elliot grabbing his radio, desperately yelled into its microphone… his voice begging out their location… over and over he yelled officer down, officer down, shots fired. To his partner, he dropped the radio, pushing the heels of both hands down onto her wound. "Liv, please, Liv… come on… Don't give in, please, just open your eyes." On and on he begged, he new she had lost her will to go on, but still he begged. To him, she was his little sister. He cared for her deeply, he couldn't bare to loose her. They were partners, his family had adopted her. Kathy saw her as a sister, their kids referred to her as their aunt. But now, here she laid, on the dirty steps of the subway floor, her body broke, finally it had caught up with her heart. And all he could do is beg and plead for her to hang on.

Off in the distant, Elliot could hear the wail of sirens. Hope slowly started to seep into him. The EMT's would be there soon. They could save her, they could help. He prayed for all hope, begged God to help her out. It was in his hands, nothing more could Elliot do, there was nothing left to do other than pray and hope.

The paramedics finally arrived and began the dissent down the steps to where Detective Benson laid prone to the world, bent and twisted from her fall. Elliot scooted back so the EMT's could begin their work, fear evident in his eyes. What more could he do? The EMT's voices echoed in his ears… "She's not breathing… we need to bag her." "Got it, her pulse is dropping.." On and on their systematic procedures echoed, Elliot staggered back, just staring as the seen played out before him. Slowly reality crept it, with no thought as to what he was doing, he shakily lifted his phone from his pocket and began to dial their captain.


	2. Chapter 2

Where do we Stand

Not mine, I own nothing… If I did, Alex and Olivia would have hooked up by now and they would have some awesome love pad somewhere in New York with your typical 2.5 kids.

Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate those who have read my story and who have reviewed. Any ideas, critiques and suggestion will be greatly excepted with open arms and may even be implemented into the story. Anything to help this baby grow... lets see where this can go.

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Part 2

Alex couldn't wait for the week to be over. It seemed that with each passing week her days were getting longer, and to no avail her nights, as sleepless as they were, were getting shorter. She new there was a simple cure, easily said… it was actually not a cure, like that of a potion one could get from a witch doctor, no it was rather a person. Not just any person, though, it was a particular person, and that one particular person was none other that the gorgeous detective, Olivia Benson. Why was she so dead set against re-aquinting herself with the irresistible detective? Alex knew the answer to that question too… she didn't think she could handle the heartache if she had to leave one more time, disappear into the unknown, the abyss; she couldn't bare the loss again. This was the only way she knew how to protect her heart, her mind and her soul.

Alex's phone vibrated again… groaning aloud as she glanced down, expecting to see one of her ADA's, instead, Detective Stabler's name and number appeared. What now? She was so close to getting out early. Why, just one evening without having to think of her detective. Wait, she was hers anymore… Alex sighed. Oh how she had messed things up. Taking a deep breath, reading herself for confrontation… last she heard they were still looking for a suspect. One last glance at the phone, another sigh, then one slim finger pressed the green button.

"Cabot…"

"Uh, Alex???" Stabler's voice was shaky, not his usual stern tone. Warning bell went off, Alex instantly knew something bad had to have happened. Stabler was like an iron horse, an ex marine never shows emotions, at least not weakness.

"Elliot, what's wrong, what's going on… Where is Olivia?" Panic was setting in, Alex's heart rate shot up. Her hands began to shake, she was quickly losing her self control. Alex thought to herself… come on Cabot, your the ice queen, nothing can penetrate you. Pushing her resolve, Alex lifted her head, squared her shoulders, prepared herself to stand strong. She waited for Elliot to say just exactly what was going on.

Again Elliot spoke, this time a little more calmly. "Olivia was shot today… we, uh, um… We were chasing a suspect, trying to collar him, when he turned to go the down to the subway… He, a.. um, he pulled again, be.. Before she could react he had shot her." Elliot was trying his best to hold it together, but he was quickly losing his grip on his emotions. But still, through the pain, Elliot continued. " She, went down, tumbling down the steps… Oh god, I could hear her head hit with each impact…" Elliot sniffled, he had finally lost control, his resolve gone, no longer was he the tough marine. He was now crying over his partner, and what may lay ahead for her, him, the squad and Alex.

"She… She was s-shot.. how Elliot? How?" Alex managed to stammer out in shock. " Oh , God… No No No… not Liv…" Alex began to panic… realizing she wasted too much time trying to protect herself from more pain and heartache. Now she knew, she had only made it worse for herself. Alex began to tremble, Elliot's voice faded into the fog that had set in on her. Sinking to her knees, Alex began to sob. She knew the outcome could only bad. What was she going to do now, now that she definitely lost Olivia… Only the worse outcome could prevail, she just knew it.

Elliot tried to get Alex's attention… but the blonde continues to sob uncontrollably, he didn't know what to do. Elliot was clueless to Alex's where about, and wasn't sure how to help her gain control, at least enough to get her to the hospital.

"Alex, can you hear me? You need to listen to me…" Elliot tried, with no response, panic began to set in, maybe he should have waited. Maybe he should have said to come to the hospital then proceed with the delicate details of todays events. Once again, Elliot tried, instead of the soft tender voice, he spoke with his fatherly stern tone, the one he used on his kids, the one that gained instant respect from their impish ears.

"Alex… You need to get down here… Do you understand me?" Elliot paused a moment, listening, waiting to see if she would respond.

"K…Okay… w-where do I go?" Alex started to respond, pulling it together with slow deep breathes. Now was not the time to lose it. She could hear it in Elliot's.

Elliot continued his methodical approach, keeping his tone stern, he told her what hospital she needed to go to and where they would be waiting for her. Hanging up, he prayed he had gotten through to her, and she could follow his directions, only time would tell.

Alex, numbly, began to collect herself, her auto pilot kicking in. She collected her purse, cell phone still gripped tightly in her hand, began to make her way out of her office, through the empty halls, the hollow echos of Alex's heals could be heard. The erie stillness, haunted Alex's worried mind, it echoed her fears of what may be.

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Where to next... Don't know, we'll see what happens. Drop me line if you have any comments, suggestions, critiques or just a plain old fashion review. I'll take what I can get. Please note that this story has not been proofed, so please forgive any character flaws, grammar and punctuation errors.


	3. Chapter 3

Where do we Stand

Not mine, I own nothing… Guys, thanks for all the reviews. I really appreciate them and I am looking forward to reading more and hearing your thoughts.

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Once Olivia had been stabilized, she was taken to the OR for emergency surgery, in the vain attempt to remove the slug that had embedded itself in her chest cavity. Outside the OR, in the designated waiting room found her squad and fellow colleagues. Some, Olivia noted to being more than co-workers, to her they were family, the only family she had, but all were stressing over her predicament. Looking around the room, one would find not just the cops Olivia had worked with throughout her career, but also found sitting in high anxiety were lawyers, judges, paralegals, the medical examiner, and several Lab techs, these people helped make up her extended family. All huddled and bunched into the small waiting room. Sitting on pens and needles, restlessly.

Sitting in one of the hard plastic chairs next to the window, was Captain Cragen. Olivia had always looked up to the Captain, seen him more than just a boss. He was the closest that she had ever came to having a real father in her life, and the Captain returned the feelings. He felt the same about all his detective for that matter, he seen people come and go in his squad, and only few special ones managed to stay the longest, and they had formed a family bound that was unbreakable. Cragen turned painful eyes around the room, taking in each person as he scanned the perimeter. Hearing the news that she had been shot was devastating in itself. He new the squad needed to stay focus, he knew they needed him to lead them on, but the thought of losing one of their own may end up being their demise. He just couldn't bare the thought.

Making another scan around the room, Cragen began to take note of the occupants and their activity. Standing in the corner, John Munch held a silent prayer. Whispering Mi Sheberach Prayer over and over, in hopes of healing not only Olivia's body but her spirit too. Casting his eyes skyward, he began the prayer once again. Never pausing to talk to his fellow colleagues. Oblivious to his surroundings, Fin sat with his head hung down. He held his head with hands, making his fingers overlap at the back of his head, just above his nape. His elbows resting on his knees, lost in thought, Fin looked like a lost little boy.

With a passing thought, the Captain noticed that Elliot still had not made it back. He new Elliot left to make a call, presuming it was a quick call to his wife, Cragen figured his detective should have been back by now, maybe it was the uneasiness of the situation at hand that had the Captain on edge.

The creaking of the rooms door alerted the companions to a new arrival, all eyes turned toward the door with worried apprehension. Hope danced in the eyes of all the occupants, only to be let down. Stepping from behind the wooden shield was Elliot Stabler followed closely by his wife and then none other than Alexandra Cabot.

All eyes danced from Elliot to Alex in confused wonder. To most occupants, they had thought she was still gone, hidden away in the witness protection program. Surely she was not back, the last they had heard of her was at the Conners trial, did they not whisk her away again.

Elliot spoke up first, needing to relieve his worried mind, "Cap, how is she, any news?"

"No, Elliot, she is still in surgery, last we heard she was stable," the Captain sighed. "It just feels like hours since she was taken to the OR, I don't know..."

Everyone nodded their head along with the Captain, knowing how he felt.

Alex glanced around the room, noting familiar faces, nodding her head at them. She took each one in time, every face she remember, now marred with age and worry. She didn't feel like she had been gone that long, just a couple of years. Could worry and stress really age a person in minutes?

Fin raised his head, looking the young blonde over, "Bought time you showed up baby girl."

Alex nodded, "It's been well over due, I think I was hiding, trying to avoid the pain, and all I did was create more..."

The rooms' occupants all looked around, trying to listen to the conversation at hand, but give the appearance of not caring or hearing.

"You know, you hurt her bad, I mean, it wasn't delicate pin prick," Fin said, "You left a canyon in her heart that she couldn't get over."

Alex nodded, to choked up to respond. She knew what she had done wasn't right, but she thought she was doing what she needed to survive. She thought that staying away was what her heart needed in order to go on. Now, looking back, she could see the light, and she knew she needed to make it right. Not just for her sake, but for Olivia. She had to show Olivia she was worthy of the beautiful brunettes love, that she deserved her.

"I am going to work on fixing that, I plan on showing her just exactly what she means to me." Alex looked like she was about to cry.

Fin nodded, "You really hurt her, she already thinks she knows what you think of her. She couldn't function without you, she gave up, and quit caring when she thought you could care less." Fin said, "She thought she had no reason to try, to live, so she quit caring, she quit living, now look where it's got her, man!"

"Enough," said Cragen. "Sitting here arguing isn't going to help Olivia, and pointing the finger definitely isn't going to resolve this mess."

Cragen stood and began to pace, running his hand back and forth on the back of his head. He knew Fin was under stress, he was just trying to protect his family by grasping at straws and lashing out at the most available person.

Alex looked around the room, seeing familiar faces painted with what she could only guess to be accusing glares. She felt lost and alone, all she wanted to do was make sure her detective was going to be alright, she wanted to care of Olivia, and show her she, Alexandra Cabot was deeply in love with her. She had to hold it together, she had no choice. The ice princess needed to make her appearance, and make it soon before Alex lost it in front of so many people.

Elliot watched the emotions fleet across Alex's face, he knew she was struggling to keep it together.

Putting his arm around Alex, he softly spoke. "Alex, hun, you need to listen to me. She may have been hurting, but deep down, in her heart, she knew you loved her. Don't give up now, not now. Okay?"

Alex nodded, losing her voice to the emotional turmoil, she silently relented, agreeing to give temporary peace to a tense situation. Setting down next to Kathy, Elliot's wife, Alex began what would soon by the hardest test of time. Silently, the group waited for news on their beloved detective as the hour hand slowly ticked away. Seconds seemed to take minutes as minutes slowly drug into hours. Hours passed by with no news being passed onto the waiting group. Not able take much more Alex looked to Elliot. Sensing a need to speak, to think out loud, she began to say, "I just feel like I..."

Just as Alex began to speak the door opened, this time revealing a surgeon standing in fresh scrubs, a lab coat with a clipboard and pin in hand. Tired eyes looked upon the group, exhaustion clearly painted on the doctors face. Tiredly, she set the line of her mouth, and affirmed an unreadable expression to her face. Looking about once more, she scanned the room looking for someone who would be in charge.

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Cliffy....


	4. Chapter 4

Where do we Stand

Not mine, I own nothing… Thank you so much for the reviews, and mostly thank you for reading. I am trying to amend this according to a few suggestions, so it will take me a bit longer for each update, sorry.

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Heads turned toward the door, clear stain coating its pale finish, dents marring its aged skin, creaking out its age as it gently opened. Pleading eyes looked on the doctors tired ones. Dr. Matilda Foster stood just inside the door, her shoulders sagged with fatigue, breathing deeply she pulled herself up to her full height. Looking at the grim faces, she sighed once again, she hoped the news she was about to deliver would help ease their troubled minds. Clearing her throat, Dr. Foster drew the rooms attention collectively to her. "Detective Benson?" she quarried. Her eyes locked with the aging Captain, instantly she knew he was the one who was in charge.

"Uh, yeah, that would be us," Cragen spoke as he quickly stood from his chair.

"I need to speak to her family, is any one her her family?"

"We are her family, the only family she has." the captain sighed audibly then continued quietly, "Please doctor, is she ok?"

Doctor Foster spoke evenly, "We have rules and regulations, I can't give out information to just anyone, we have to follow these guidelines..."

"I understand that, but she doesn't have anyone, we are her family," the captain began to get upset, "I have papers she filed with the brass, it list me and a couple others as her family and emergency contact. I, uh, I can have them sent over as soon as possible..."

Nodding, Dr. Foster began, "Ok, ok, calm down sir, that's fine as long as you have the proper paper work sent over." The doctor paused, "Well, it has been touch and go, I don't want to get anyones hopes up. So I am going be blunt and honest. I am not going to sugar coat this." She breathed, letting what she was saying sink before continuing. "She is in critical condition, there has been a lot of trauma her body has gone through. She lost a lot of blood, which put stress on her heart. This stress has caused us to worry some, as a preventive measure we have hooked her up to a heart monitor enabling us to observe it closely. She is tough, but the next 24 hours is going to be rough."

Foster paused a moment, catching her breath and studding the faces around her.

Moving on the doctor spoke gently, "The bullet entered the detectives chest, piercing low on the right quadrant nicking her right lung. Then passing through the lung and coming to rest, embedding itself in one of the detectives vertebrae. But not before the vertebrae had several pecies broken off, all though it did not shattered. We were amazed at the amount it was still intact, but still there is damage to the area along with swelling and pressure along with damage to the tissue and blood vessel in the same area."

The doctor paused once again, looking about the room, searching for recognition of what she was telling the occupants. All eyes looking toward her seemed to be on board, heads nodding in understanding. So, she nodded to the group and continued.

"Now, it sounds scary, but spinal chord trauma may result from direct injury to the cord itself or indirectly from damage to surrounding bones, tissues, or blood vessels. Which, we know the main cause is the bullet, but that bullet has caused a domino affect. We will have to watch this area, monitor it for infection, swelling. Also, she may lose some or all mobility from that point down. This is still unknown territory in the medical world. Some people can gain full strength and use of their bodies after trauma, others remain paralyzed."

Alex eyes watered more as she listened intently to the doctor. Feeling more and more like this was her fault, her ice queen persona long forgotten. Alex leaned forward, hoping not to miss any details.

"... A spinal cord trauma is a medical emergency requiring immediate treatment to reduce the long-term effects. The time between the injury and treatment is a critical factor affecting the eventual outcome." Foster spoke, making eye contact with each person in the room.

"We were lucky to get Detective Benson into surgery as quickly was we did. Corticosteroids, such as dexamethasone or methylprednisolone, are used to reduce swelling that may damage the spinal cord. If spinal cord compression is caused by a mass (such as a hematoma or bony fragment) that can be removed or brought down before there is total destruction of the nerves of the spine, paralysis may in some cases be reduced or relieved. Ideally, corticosteroids should begin as soon as possible after the injury. But we may have to go back and for multiple surgeries to reduce or relieve the pressure, from swelling, scar tissue and fluid collecting on the spine. Also, she will be on bed rest for a long time, it takes time for bones to hill, along with the spinal chord, this can't be accomplished if she is up and moving around, adding weight and stress to the injured area."

"I know all this is a lot to take in, but she is strong, and she can pull through and may even make a complete recovery. With no lasting damage to her spine and mobility!" The doctor finished.

Looking around the room, Doctor Foster took in each expression as what she finished with soaked into each person.

Alex spoke first. "When can we see her?"

"She is in recovery, then she will be moved to the intensive care unit where she will be monitored closely. Once she is in her ICU room she can have two visitors at a time. But under these conditions I will allow the first visit to be five minutes with five persons, but these people have to be her immediate family or on her emergency contact list, but after that we will have to adhere to ICU rules, 2 person at a time. Okay?"

Everyone nodded in agreement as the doctor continued, "I want to warn you, she will look rough, she is hooked up to a heart monitor, and has a breathing tube in her to help regulate her breath along with several I.V.'s. We also have her in a drug induced coma, her body will heal faster while she sleeps and it will help her manage any pain or discomfort she may have if she were awake."

"I'll leave you all and let you collect the needed paper week and turn it in so you can visit with our patient. Any available nurse or medical personal can direct you to the ICU lobby." The doctor finished.

Cragen spoke up, "Thank so much Doctor, you don't know what she means to all of us." As the captain spoke, his squad stood behind him, each eager to show the doctor their appreciation. The rest of the group quickly following the squads gesture.

Turning to the group, as the doctor exited the small room, Cragen spoke up. "I, uh, folks, I have already put in a call in to central Head Quarters, requesting Olivias Emergency contact form and Power of Attorney documents to be sent over A.S.A.P."

Cragen paused and ran a hand over his bald head, sighing he spoke again, "I know I am on one of the contacts and I believe that Elliot and Alex are mentioned on them if Olivia hasn't had it revised, but I'm not sure."

"So we'll have to wait. It looks like it may be a bit before anyone does get to go back, so how about we go home, get cleaned up, maybe grab a bite to eat and meet back in the ICU lobby?"

Cragen waited for any suggestion anyone else might have, noting that no one offered any ideas he nodded toward the door in a gesture to leave. Quietly the group filed out, heading toward the nears exit, all but three people. Alex hung back, head in hands silently crying as Elliot and his wife stood on each side, each with a hand placed gently on her shoulders, giving her little comfort she so dearly needed.

Cragen new it would be rough for the young attorney, he could see the worry in her eyes. Standing just outside the lobby door, Cragen waited patiently for Elliot and Kathy to collect Alex and help her home.

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Yessssss! Another Chapter, I hope this one reads a little better, I have put a lot more time into it. The last bit was a little stiff, but I remember a similar lecture happening to my family when my father was in ICU. So, some of it has come from real life.


	5. Chapter 5

Where do we Stand

Not mine, I own nothing…

Guys, sorry it has taken me so long to get this chapter up. I ended up re-writing this chapter, I didn't like the route it was taking and then lost track of time due to work... Ick. But, I am hoping I am back up and running. If any of you know a good beta, send them my way, this story has not been beta'd or proofed. Thanks for reading and review. Enjoy!!

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Alex felt her walls crumbling down, she didn't want to show her weakness, no one had seen her this week, always the ice queen. Where was the ice queen now that she needed her. She had strived to keep it together, but now hearing Olivias predicament, she knew Olivia wouldn't forgive her, why would she. She had pushed Olivia to far, led her believe she didn't need anyone because she was the ice queen. Alex began gasping for air, grabbing her chest. She was getting dizzy, panic and despair was all she could feel. Desperation seemed to encompass her soul.

Alex began to gasp and gulp for air.

"Alex, calm down, panicking isn't going to help our girl.." Elliot spoke up.

Her hand clasped to her chest, she heaved in and out, praying for a steady breath.

"It's alright Alex, we're here, your going to be oaky," calmed Kathy. She looked to Elliot, hoping he knew what to do, as she held Alex close to her.

Elliot softly spoke again, "Alex, were going to take you home with us. We'll come back in a few hours, you can rest there and take a shower, okay?"

Spots appeared in Alex's vision, she shook her head vigorously, not wanting to leave the hospital. Anguish painted Alex's face at the thought of not being near Olivia, she wanted to stay as possible.

Elliot looked to his wife, their silent communication understood. Kathy confirmed him with a nodded then spoke gently, "Go on Elliot, I will stay with her. You need rest, hun. Go home, take a shower."

She sighed, "Take a nap, if anything changes I will call you." She looked to Alex, and continued, "I'll stay with Alex, when you get back I can go home. Oh, hun, I know you have to be tired, okay?"

Elliot affirmed his wife's suspicion, relenting he excepted her logic as law.

"Uh, uhm, m'kay," Elliot sighed, "I'll walk you two to the ICU lobby. K? And make sure everything is situated and let them know who you are."

Elliot leaned forward, pecking his wife on the forward, softly he mumbled, "Then I'll head home, I'm more tired than I thought."

A silent admission, ment for only his wife to hear. Kathy knew her husband well, and knew he had to be beat in order to admit just how tired her really was, even if whispered in present company.

Kathy nodded her understanding as Alex huddle in dazed confusion, not registering the conversation being held nearby. Breathing in deeply, Kathy leaned over and took Alex by the elbow. She helped guide Alex up from the chair she had been occupying and led Alex toward the door. Elliot turned, stepping in sync with the women followed close by.

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Olivia laid unconscious, hooked to I.V.'s and machines. Beeping echoed through out the room, giving a steady cadence to Olivia's existence. The nurses continued to set the room up, making note of every necessity needed to maintain the detective. She had just been moved to her new room on the ICU ward. Outside the room, just down the hall, sat Alex Cabot.

Alex sat frozen, staring out the lobby window, watching the city scape with unseeing eyes. Deep in thought, she wondered if she could have prevented this, if only she had returned the detectives calls. But she had insisted on maintaining her ice queen persona, still she thought, maybe if she had made one date, lunch, dinner, or even met her for coffee, anything that would have changed the detectives attitude. Anything that would have kept her alert, aware of her surroundings, anything that would have kept her up on her game, then Olivia's response time would have been quicker, she wouldn't have been hurt. Alex kept rolling this over and over in her head, ways she could have changed things, this, this outcome, this predicament.

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It had been several hours since Olivia had come out of surgery, since then, she had been moved from recovery to ICU, and now Elliot quietly sat with Alex waiting to be allowed in to see Olivia. Olivia's paper work had been sent over hours earlier, naming Alex as her power of attorney. Listed too, on the other forms were Captain Cragen, Detective Stabler along with Alex Cabot as her next of kin, this would allow them visitation rights and medical decisions if the situation called for it.

As seconds counted out the minutes and the minutes turned to hours, as the time passed Alex grew more distressed. Worry marred the lines of her eyes. Elliot noted the fatigue and weariness marring her blue eyes. Oblivious to her surroundings, Alex drifted back to her memories, to when her and Olivia were on better terms. Alex's mind drifted to images of soft brown eyes that danced merrily and twinkled with mischief when teasing, soft brown eyes that held compassion for their victims when she listened to their heartache, soft brown eyes that held promise of better tomorrows. Those soft brown eyes had captured her heart the moment she walked through the doors of SVU. Their intensity was welcomed, their sincerity was needed, and their warmth was wanted. Alex loved those eyes! Sighing, Alex wondered just when did she become such a coward, that she would run away from the best thing right in front of her. Shaking her head she turned back to the room, wrapping her arms around her waisting hugging herself, she paced in front the chairs.

Their friendship had started out as a couple of coworkers meeting after work, dealing with their jobs and the stress it involved. Soon drinks grew to dinners, dinners grew to intimate conversation. But before their relationship could go to the next level, they acquired a case involving a drug cartel and the feds. Then things began to spin out of control from there. Another case in point, she should have listened to Olivia, she should have stayed with her, she should have backed down when she was asked to. A lot of should haves and never any did does, she had caused so much heart ache being her usual determined steely self.

* * *

Making an appearance for the first time stood a nurse in the entrance to the lobby. "Ahem," she cleared her throat. "I am Nurse Haney, I'm the head nurse and will be in charge of Detective Benson's well care while she is on our floor," the RN continued. "Is there an Alexandra Cabot or a Captain Don Cragen here? Dr. Foster made arrangements so that you along with a Detective Stable may visit with our patient." She looked on at everyone looked about.

The captain hadn't made it back, so Elliot stepped forward, "I'm Elliot Stabler and this is Alexandra Cabot, the Captain hasn't made it back yet. We'll be going in with to visit with Olivia until the captain gets back then I can leave so Cap can visit with her. Is it ok that Alex stays with her?"

At the mention of her name, Alex looked up, "I, uh, I want to go in last, so I wont have to leave, I can't bare to away from her, please, let me stay..."

The nurse looked up, "Well we have her emergency contacts on file, delivered from the precinct this afternoon, your on there dear, so yes you can stay with her except for the designated hours that the ICU is closed, ok?" the nurse paused then stated, "...I see no problem in you being allowed to stay."

Relief flooded Alex's face, she couldn't believe Olivia had put her on the form. Maybe there was hope for her and Olivia, maybe Olivia would forgive. Now all she had to do was show Olivia how much she loved her and that she was worthy of a second chance. The wheels in her mind began to turn, suddenly there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

The old Alex began to slowly emerge, the gears in her head began to turn as she began to speak to no one in particular, "I need to get cleaned up and grab a few things, I don't plan on leaving until she does..." hope and excitement exuded from Alex, a child like giddiness radiated from within.

Elliot and Fin nodded in agreement as Kathy spoke up, "I'll take you to her apartment and make sure she is okay, we'll be back in a bit."

At that, Kathy and Alex left the lobby heading toward the elevator doors. Alex's head was reeling, she saw herself with the detective, nursing her back to health, working on physical rehab, even down the road, later on, living in an apartment that was theirs not hers, not Olivias but one they would find together.

* * *

Alex showered in haste, hoping to get back to the hospital as soon as possible. Turning the water off she quickly towel dried her hair then her body. Grabbing her clothes and dressing briskly, she, then. combed her hair and did a quick once over with the hair dryer. She grabbed her travel case from under the sink and began to pitch her shampoo, soap, brush and other various hygiene products into the little travel bag. Once she finished up in the bathroom she skirted her way into the bedroom, grabbing her overnight bag, she once again did the flight of the bubble bee, grabbing clothes, and little necessities she might need and a couple books, tossing them all half hazzardly into her bag.

Doing a once over her mental list, she was sure she had everything she would be need, collecting her bag she exited the bedroom and headed toward the living room where Kathy awaited her return.

"Wow, that was fast!"

Alex grinned, "I have my excuses to rush. So, you ready?"

"Yep, let's go."

With that, the two women gathered their coats and Alex's bags and left for the hospital. On their way, Alex made a few phone calls, clearing her agenda and directing associates to take over cases and lining out pre-arrange engagements. She wanted to clear her schedule and make sure she could spend every waking moment with her detective and make sure she could be there for her. Next she made a few calls to her family accountant, she wanted to make sure Olivia got the best care. She new how shoddy the health care system could be, she would pay out of pocket for any medical assistance Olivia may need.

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And with that another chapter.... You know the drill, drop me line and let me know what you think, I will be happy to hear any ideas.


	6. Chapter 6

Where do we Stand

Not mine, I own nothing… but, I can always dream....

* * *

Alex stood outside Olivias' room, feelings of trepidation lurked behind ice blue eyes. She slowly moved forward, warding off any anxiety that tried to creep into her consciousness. Alex focused on the steady cadence of Olivia's heart monitor, looking from the line marking Olivias visual heart beat, Alex scanned the room. Noting the I.V.'s, and tubes running to Olivia, then she took in the detective who sat silently next to Olivia's bed. His hand limply held Olivias' fingers, his head hung down to his right, a light snore passed through Elliot's lips. Alex smiled, despite the situation she couldn't help but feel a tug at her heart. A big tough detective Elliot Stable had a soft spot, who knew. She could see the brotherly love he held for his partner and knew there wasn't nothing he wouldn't do to help Olivia out.

Elliot stirred, the hairs on the back of his neck alerting him to someone else near by. Raising his head, rubbing his neck with his free hand, he looked around the room. Alex stood next to the bed on the opposite side of the room, gazing at Olivia with her pale eyes. He noted the edge of tiredness he found in her eyes, the past day had been trying on them all, even more so on her.

"Hey, your back!" Elliot stated, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, I did a flight of the bumble bee through my home and took a quick shower. I didn't want to be gone long... you know, I just don't want to be gone long...from, you know... from her" she sighed.

Elliot nodded in aggreement.

"So, how's our girl?"

Elliot sighed and looked to the bed. "Well, she seems to be doing ok, they said she is in a drug induced coma, that it'll help her body recover and help her with pain control, I just don't like her not breathing on her own. I'm worried, naturally."

"We all are, I just wished she wasn't hurt." Alex looked to Elliot, "I really messed up this time, uh?"

"Yeah, but you know Liv, she loves the messed up ones more," Elliot looked from Olivia to Alex. "Ya know, she's tuff, she won't let this keep her down."

"Yeah, I know, I know..." Alex sighed.

* * *

It had been almost a week since Olivia had arrived in the Intensive Care Unit, and Alex had not left her side unless she was forced by the medical staff or needed to take of personal necessities. She took over excercising the detectives legs and arms, preventing them from atrophying while she lay dormant in the hospital. Today, found Alex reading the New York Times to Olivia, giving her beloved an up date on the city's court house news. Nothing to pressing, just something to keep her voice going and give Olivia something to listen to.

Sighing, Alex looked up from the paper, "Oh, Liv, please come back to us, I made such a big mistake." Leaning over, Alex gently touched Olivia's hand, letting the detective know she was still there. "I hope you know how much I love you and what a fool I have been..."

Leaning over, Alex gently kissed the top of Olivia's hand, letting the detective know she was still there, and hoping she could feel her love for the detective.

Walking in, reading from a clipboard found in her hand was the doctor. With a relaxed smile on her face the doctor took in her patient and her company. "Well, it looks like our patient is on the mend..." spoke the doctor as she looked up from her clipboard.

Alex turned to look at the intruder. "Uh?"

"Our patient. She is doing well, so I am going to start the procedure to bring out of the coma."

Alex hopes seemed to spread throughout her like a wildfire, grinning from the inside out Alex leaned forward to listen more intently to what the doctor was saying.

"We'll begin by reducing the amounts of gamma hydroxybutyrate," the doctor said looking over to Alex. Noting the look of confusion, Dr. Foster clarified, "That's the drug we have been using to keep her comatose. Don't be shocked if she can recall bits and pieces of conversation we have held in her presence. The drug allows for a depressed level of consciousness, she will be disoriented and may even think she dreamed the conversations she has heard..." the doctor paused looking to Alex for understanding.

Alex nodded her head in understanding, yet still her head was reeling from the information she was being feed.

The good doctor continued, "We are going to leave the breathing tube in for the time being, and because of that, we may have to restrain her wrist if she tries to pull or tug at the tubing. But we don't think she will."

"Is she still having problems breathing... can she be awake with the tube in her?" Alex asked.

"She will have issues breathing for a while, if you recall, she had received some serious damage to her lung. She is breathing a little on her own, but we like for our patients to be able to breath 65% by themselves before we relieve them from the mechanical support they are receiving. Patients have been awake and alert while hooked to ventilators, our open heart surgery patients are one of the number one users of ventalitors. This is a common procedure for patients who have weekend lungs do to trauma, heart ailments and other medical conditions," clarified the doctor.

Alex nodded her understanding as the doctor continued...

"She will have to receive breathing treatments and do regiments of breathing exercise to get her lungs back in shape, but that wont take place until she is off of the ventilator. We will also continue with the leg and arm exercises you have been helping administer to her. We will also begin some testing to see if there has been anymore trauma to motor reflexes and test to see what the extent is to muscle control she will have."

Again, Alex nodded, more than glad to help in anyway she could. She knew Olivia was independent, but she would have to convince her along with the medical staff to except some help at first. Olivia could work her way back to total independence, though Alex hoped she wouldn't want total independence from her, only time would tell.

"How long will it take for her to wake up?"

The doctor pondered for a moment before speaking. "Well, it varies from patient to patient and depends not only on their physical health but their mental health and their bodies metabolism." Taking a breath she continued, "The detective was in great physical shape before her accident, and from what I have heard about her she is self sufficient, determined woman. I'm speculating she may wake within hours of being winged off of the medication."

Alex's mind was flying at the speed of light, questions popping in her head before she ask one another one was there. "You said something about testing her motor skills or reflexes, what do you mean?"

"It is common for patients to have slow reflexes and sometimes lose certain functions. In this case, with the type of injuries she sustained from the gunshot, she may have some complications with sitting, walking and even bodily functions like going to the restroom," explained the doctor. Noting the look of concern on Alex's face, she quickly soothed, "But that doesn't always happen, some people wake up, make a quick recovery and are home within a week. Right now, let's just get her awake and breathing on her own, okay?" Grinning, the doctor looked from Olivia to Alex.

Alex smiled back, thinking how great it would be to look into those velvet brown eyes and speak to Olivia know she would hear her. She would worry about the other stuff when they came to it, if it even came to that. She hoped for they wouldn't have to deal with any more serious issues.

"I'm going to write up the order so we can begin reducing her medication, and we will monitor her vitals more closely and go from there. Okay?"

Alex grinned and nodded her head excitedly as the doctor made a few more notes on the clipboard. As the doctor left the room Alex was picking up the phone, she dialed a number that was quickly becoming all to familiar to her.

"Stabler!"

"Uhm, Elliot... it's me"

"Whats wrong, something happened to Liv?"

"No, well, not bad... the Dr. is going to start reducing her meds and bring her out of the coma... the nurse should be in here in a few to start the procedure. I, uh, I thought I would tell you and let you spread the word..." Alex sniffed with tears of joy running down her cheeks. She couldn't contain her happiness.

"Woo Hoo..." Elliot crowed, pumping his fist in the air. Heads turned to see what the commotion was. Elated, he called to out to his colleagues that they were going to wake his partner up. In the background, Alex could several whistles and jubilant calls of hurray being echoed through out the bullpen.

"Well detective, I am going to get off of here, and see what I can do, if anything at all, K?"

"That's great Alex, keep us posted and I will drop by this evening after work and check in on you two. Do you need me to bring anything?" Elliot inquired.

"I don't think so, maybe later."

"K!" Elliot flipped his phone shut disconnecting the two.

Alex turned back toward the bed and returned the receiver back to the phones cradle on the night stand.

* * *

About an hour after the doctor had left the head nurse came in to record Olivia's vitals and started trimming back the drip to her I.V. Alex looked on with hope filled curiosity. She waited till nurse was done fussing with the patient to speak up.

"When will you all be taking her of the medication that is keeping her asleep?"

"Oh, hun, that's what I'm doing now. Sorry I didn't say anything..." the nurse spoke gently to her.

"Oh, o.k..." Alex stated, looking a little confused.

"All I have to do is turn this little wheel here, change the drip rate here on this machine and it slows the medicine flow down. It will eventually come to a halt and then she will be free of medicine. We are increasing the dose of her pain medication, she'll be on that for some time."

"Oh! How long do you think it will be before she starts waking up?"

"Could be almost immediately, she was on a low dose to begin with." The nurse smiled sweetly.

She continued to fuss over Olivia until she was satisfied she couldn't do anymore for the time being, then parted shortly afterwards, leaving Alex alone with Olivia.

Alex scooted closer to Olivia taking her hand in hers. She began to gently rub her thumb over Olivia's hand. "So, you'll be awake soon. I know you may not here me, but I just want you to know that I love you. I have been such a coward, thinking I would be better off with out you. God what a fool I have been. I know I have said this several times this past week, but I need you and I want to make it right."

"I'm going to prove to you that I love you. No matter what, you'r stuck with me." Alex smiled again, patiently waiting to see those chocolate orbs she loved so much. Olivia still did not stir, it seemed the minute hand on the clock decided to go slower than usual. Alex waited, her eyse drifting between Olivia's face and the clock, hope and anticipation kept her dancing in her seat, shifting to and fro.

* * *

It had been several hours since the nurse had started the tapering off Olivia's medication that had kept her in a catatonic state. Sitting patiently at the bedside of Olivia was Alex. Hope, fear, and anticipation reflected in her eyes as exhaustion draped itself across her shoulders. Weariness began to take hold of the attorneys body. Leaning closer to the bed, Alex slumped her body over and rested her head next to Olivia's hand that she still held delicately in her own. Eyes drifted shut as a pair of disoriented brown one cracked open, only to slam shut again. Alex snuggled closer, mumbling words of love as she began to drift.

A groan startled Alex, thinking she was dreaming, she moved her head closer to Liv's hip. Again, she heard a groan. Lifting her head she looked around the room in confusion as she heard a muffled gurgle from the bed. Whipping her head back to Olivia, she could not deny what she found. Olivia Benson fighting to wake up. Smiling she sat up straighter and leaned forward.

"Come on baby, show me those beautiful brown eyes of yours," Alex cooed, "That's it, I'm right here, open up and let me see you."

Liv's eyes fluttered and blinked then closed again as she groaned and she tried to move her hands.

"I'm right here baby, right here.... Lets turn this light off and we'll dim these so they wont hurt so bad." Soothed Alex. Alex grabbed a couple of paper towels and dampened them when she hit the dimmer switch near the sink. She walked back to the bed, and gently massaged the damp towel over Olivia's eyes as she cleaned out the gunk that had collected there while asleep.

This time when Olivia tried to open her eyes they stayed open longer. Looking about the room, Olivia was not sure how she got there. Thinking to herself she couldn't recall what had happened. She looked back to Alex and felt a calmness ease over her. The feeling of belonging and security that she hadn't felt in a long time washed over her.

"Liv, baby, look at me." Alex asked quietly. Liv looked at Alex and tried to talk but the tubbing was in the way.

"Don't talk honey, they have a breathing tube in you right now, and don't try to move your head okay?" Olivia just looked at Alex with confused pleading eyes.

"How about you blink once for no and twice for yes, that's so we can communicate a little?"

Olivia blinked twice. Tears of joy ran down Alex's cheeks, elated that Olivia was awake and responding. Remembering where they were, Alex searched out the nurse call button, punching the red dial she hoping to get one of the nurses attention.

"Yes?" came the static reply from the speaker overhead.

"I need a nurse or Dr. Foster in here quickly, Olivia is awake..." Alex related.

"Okay, ma'am, someone will be in there shortly!"

Alex smiled lovingly as Olivia's eyes drifted closed. Her Olivia was awake, finally, now the road to recovery laid ahead.

* * *

Okay guys, you know the drill... just remember, this story has not been beta'd or proofed. Again, if anyone out there knows someone who is a beta reader or wants to proof contact me. I am open to any and all help.


	7. Chapter 7

Where do we Stand

Not mine, I own nothing… Sorry it has taken so long to update, I've been working a lot of overtime and haven't had a chance to sit down and write until today; I also had to re-write this chapter to go with the previous one that I had changed. Again, as before, this story has not been proofed or beta read. I still don't have a beta reader...

* * *

Olivia came in and out of consciousness, everything seemed foggy and she couldn't remember where she was. Opening her eyes, she blinked as she tried to look around here. Sharp stabbing pain shot through her orbs, slamming her eye shut, she groaned as she tried to talk. But something was in her mouth pressing her tongue down and to the side. What was going on? She tried to move her arms and legs, but couldn't. Her arms felt like they weighed a ton and her legs she couldn't feel. Again she tried to open her eyes groaning as she did so, this time she heard a voice... It sounded so familiar. She knew that voice, but couldn't place it. Then she felt a cool towel gently rubbing across her eyes, that felt so nice.

Gaining control of her eyes, Olivia cracked them open once more, this time the heaviness wasn't so evident, and the stabbing was not so sharp as it had been before. Looking about the room she quickly new she was in the hospital. Then her eyes landed on the most beautiful sight, a blond head leaning over her, a halo of light shrouding the figure. As she gazed at the figure a warm and secure comfort washed over her. She knew the person well, but with a foggy mind she couldn't pinpoint the nameless person. Blinking she looked around the room again. Alex started to speak and Olivia thought she heard an angels voice.

"Liv, baby, look at me." Alex asked murmured, then she remembered, it was Alex, how long had it been since she had heard such music. Liv looked at Alex, confusion painting her eyes as she tried to talk.

"Don't talk honey, they have a breathing tube in you right now... oh' and don't try to move your head okay?" Olivia just looked at Alex with perplexed eyes.

"How about you blink once for no and twice for yes, that's so we can communicate a little?"

Olivia blinked twice. Alex's eyes lit up when she found Olivia was able to understand her. Olivia knew Alex, Alex was hers, she could feel it. But she couldn't understand why if felt like it had been years since she had seen her. She thought they were just talking hours before. She remember Alex saying she loved her and hold hands or was that just a dream. Didn't they read the paper together and hadn't they been talking about what was going on in the news. How long had she been here? So many questions were popping in here head. Why couldn't she remember how she got here? She looked into Alex's eyes as she watched tears run down Alex's cheeks. She felt Alex move and then heard the intercom kick on. Alex was talking to the noise, but she couldn't focus on what was being said, her eyes began to droop as they became heavier.

* * *

Opening her eyes once again, she felt hands poking along her sides. Olivia looked about and found to figures dressed in white hovering over her, neither of them she recognized. Panic raced through her mind. Where was she, what was going on, who are these people? Why did she ache all over? Questions popped in her head, unable to ask them, she felt the fear and panic sit in as she was able to move. Her arms felt to heavy to lift and when she tried to move them it was as if they had been magnetized and the bed was pulling them down. Feared gripped her, she didn't like the feeling of being out of control, she was always in control. Her heart rate increased. Alarms on the monitor started chirping.

Alex stepped forward, "What's going on? Is she ok? Olivia, I'm here hum, I'm right here..."

Hearing the voice she longed for Olivia began to immediately calm down. Dr. Foster noted the sudden changed and looked to her nurse and grinned. "Looks like we'll just keep Alex in sight while we check her out and that'll keep our patient calm." the doctor said teasingly to the room.

Alex smiled down into Olivia's worried eyes, let her know she wasn't alone.

"It's ok sweaty, I'm right here. We'll let the doctor finish checking you out and see what she has to say, ok?"

Olivia blink twice, letting Alex know she understood.

Dr. Foster stepped next to Alex and the bed. Leaning forward so she could around Alex and see Olivia, she said, "Olivia, I'm Dr. Foster, I've been tending to you since you came in. I'm glad to see you are awake."

Pausing, the doctor watched Olivia for understanding. Noting that the patient was keeping up with her she moved on.

"I'm going to run a series of test on you, I want to see what we have to work with ok? I know you can't talk right now, and that you and Alex have an understood system of blinking, once for no and twice for yes, right?" the doctor waited for Olivia to confirm, and she did blinking twice.

"Good, first I want you to wiggle your fingers..."

Olivia did, a little slow and not very coordinated but they wiggled.

"Okay next let us see your toes..." the nurse uncovered Olivia's feet then the doctor spoke again, "Okay, can you wiggle them for me?"

Olivia moved her toes but nothing happened. The doctor spoke again... "Good, good... now let's try and lift those arms." she soothed trying not to alarm Olivia of the immobility she had. Olivia struggled, her arms felt so heavy, first the right raised slightly then dropped to the bed, the doctor cooed her approval and asked for the next arm. Again, she was pleased with Olivia's performance. Olivia was exhausted, she felt the weight of her body and new she would be out in minutes. Her eyes began to droop and soon she gave in to slumber.

Alex looked to the doctor, concern painted her features. "What does this mean? She can't move her toes." Alex asked.

"Not to worry yet, this can be a result from the trauma her spine received as well as some swelling around her spine, well run some test and start from there. This is normal for patients with these types of injuries. And IF paralysis is the case this doesn't mean her life is over, it's just changed a little. But we'll not go there until we come to that road. OK?"

Alex nodded her head, tears gathering in her eyes.

"Right now, we need to be positive and be strong. I noticed earlier her near panic of not being in control, so for the time being we need let her know she is the one in control and help her deal with these hurtle as we come to them. Okay? She's going to need as much support and help as she can get." lectured the doctor.

Alex knew she was in, whether Olivia wanted her or not, she would help no matter what.

* * *

Doctor Foster ordered up CT scans for Olivia and instructed they begin physical therapy right away. She wanted Olivia gaining full mobility as soon as possible and knew that the sooner they get her moving the quicker her recovery would be.

Alex was sitting next to Olivia's bed when an orderly came to take Olivia down for her CT scan. Alex saw fear leaped into the detectives eyes before the Olivia had a chance to hide it. Alex spoke up hoping to comfort the detective along with herself too, "Is there a way I can tag along, maybe keep Olivia company?"

The orderly shrugged, "As long as the patient is fine with it, I don't have a problem. You'll have to wait outside the room while the scan is being done."

Alex looked to Olivia, pleading with her eyes to be okay with the idea. Olivia's shoulders relaxed with the idea, grinning she blinked twice wanting Alex to know she wanted her there not matter what. Olivia's relief showed in her eyes, as Alex grasped her hand gently, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

* * *

A couple of hours later found the two women back in Olivia's room, Olivia was sound asleep and Alex sitting bedside her bed reading the daily paper. All though the CT scan had been done earlier in the day, they still had not heard from the doctor. Alex was worried, but she was determined to hide it, she didn't want to upset Olivia anymore than she already was.

Gazing at Olivia, Alex was lost in thought as the door to Olivia's room opened, startling the counselor from her musings.

Entering the room, the doctor was studying her notes, looking up she noted Olivia asleep and the worried look on Alex's face. Sighing the doctor spoke, "We need to wake our patient up, I have some news for you two."

Alex became more worried at the serious tone emitting from the doctor.

"Babe, Olivia, hun..." Alex gently rubbed Olivia's arm and shoulder, dragging her sleeping friend from her dreams.

Blinking the sleep from her eyes, Olivia lazily looked over at Alex, her eyes lighting up from the sight before her.

"Hey hun, the doctor is here to speak to us... you know, about the scans they did earlier." Alex spoke a little hesitant, not wanting to upset Olivia, but needing to get her understanding.

Olivia tried to nod her head, "mhm k." "Shs, your not supposed to try to talk... remember, breathing tube?"

Doctor Foster looked to the two women as she began to speak, "Ladies, the news isn't as promising as I'd hoped..."

Worry lines quickly etched Alex's face as the doctor spoke.

"First, what we have found is that there's a substantial amount of swelling around her spinal chord, although the tissue around the damaged area is still healing, we wont be able to tell if there will be an significant amount scar tissue or not." pausing she looked to the two women and continued, "what this means is.... well, is that there may have been more damage to the spinal chord than what we had originally thought."

Widening, Olivia's eyes showed fear and panic, her fingers squeezed Alex's tight, "It's ok, we're in this together... we'll get through this..." Alex cooed. Olivia tried to nod her head, but Alex stilled the motion with her free hand laying across Olivia's forehead.

The doctor continued, "Unfortunately, there's no way to reverse damage to the spinal cord. But, we are continually working on new treatments, including innovative treatments, prostheses and medications that may promote nerve cell regeneration or improve the function of the nerves that remain after a spinal cord injury. All hope is not lost, I am going to refer you to the best neurologist in the country. He has worked wonders."

Alex nodded her understanding, looking to Olivia, she spoke, "What ever it takes, money is no problem..."

The doctor nodded, "First we are going to work getting you off of the ventilator and breathing on your own, then we'll worry about the legs. Okay?" Dr. Foster directed her statement to Olivia, letting her know she was still in charge.

Olivia blinked twice, allowing them to know she was still with them.

* * *

Review and leave notes, any ideas or thoughts are appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. I appreciate everyone being patient with me as I have struggled through working a lot of over time and then coming down with a case of writers block. I would also like to thank a really great person Vivalab for pushing me through my writers block and also for betaing this for me... How you manage to do everything you get done in a days time, beta-ing this and still knock out all those chapters and words is beyond amazing!!!

As before, I own nothing. But God if I did could you imagine????

* * *

"Good Morning Ladies, I have some exciting news for you..." cheered the nurse as she walked into Olivia's room. She was still in the ICU ward, but making great progress.

"Dr. Foster has instructed us to remove your breathing tube," said the nurse, "although you are capable of breathing on your own now, your oxygen levels are still quite low, so the doctor has also ordered you to be put on oxygen."

Alex quirked an eyebrow at the nurse, before she had a chance to ask her question, the nurse continued.

"Don't worry about another tube being put into her," the nurse said, looking at her, "This one will run just under her nose, she'll breath the oxygen in that way," she reassured Alex, giving a gentle smile as she finished speaking.

Alex grinned at Olivia as she watched the nurse move about the room.

A few minutes had passed before the respiratory therapist came in and Alex was asked to step outside so they could ex-tubate Olivia. Reluctantly, she let go of Olivia's hand and slowly walked out the door into the hallway.

In next to no time, the tube had been removed and the therapist was leaving strict instructions for Olivia to follow for her breathing exercises, including a multi-chamber cylinder with balls in it called a Volumetric Incentive Spirometer. Olivia looked to the device and felt apprehension envelope her. Alex was walking back into the room when she noticed the look on her beloved's face.

Alex walked back into the room, immediately noticing the worried look on her beloved's face.

She reassured Olivia, "Don't worry Liv, we'll work on it together," she reassured.

Olivia complained of a sore throat for the first couple of days after having the tube removed, but in time the discomfort faded. She still had no movement or feelings in her lower extremities.

Olivia was worried beyond belief, but refused to let Alex know how upset she really was over it. Alex, for her part, was worried just as much if not more. She wanted her detective back full force, she knew Olivia wouldn't be happy unless she could go back to her job and give it one hundred percent.

With that in mind, Alex was determined that Olivia's neurologist was the best in the country. Dr. Foster had suggested him, Alex had him researched and made sure he knew what he was doing.

Next came the range of tests the doctors wanted to run on Olivia. As frustrating and nerve racking as they were, the women both knew they were an essentia part of her healing process.

Each day began as the day before. Olivia woke to pain and discomfort in her back and her chest, but still her legs refused to wake up, despite her willing them to move. Every day, Alex watched Olivia, offering her assistance, reassuring her she was making progress. Olivia struggled to make her legs move, wishing she could feel something, a twitch, the blankets laying on top of her, anything... but nothing happened.

With each passing day, Olivia became more and more discouraged.

The physical therapist began showing Olivia exercises that would build her strength up in her torso and back. Some were aimed at strengthening her arms so that lifting and maneuvering, would become easier. Especially without the use of her legs. Olivia could see that the doctors and therapist were preparing her for the worst, but she wasn't going to give up hope. The doctor had said that the feeling and movement could return when all the swelling finally went down, so she wasn't about to quit trying.

* * *

Olivia began to refuse help from Alex, deciding she needed to learn how to dress and bathe herself, she knew she wouldn't always have someone there to help her. Learning sooner, rather than later was her best bet. She was beginning to feel more like an invalid when Alex babied he and she didn't want to be seen as helpless or weak. Each time Alex offered her a hand, Olivia would push her away, becoming more irritable along the way. Olivia began to get easily irritated when someone offered helped, or treated her like she was an egg, ready to break at any given second. She slowly began to resent people as they offered to assist her, including Alex.

Oivia's attitude began to show more and more.

As the days rolled by, Olivia's hope to regain feeling and movement in her legs began to fade. She slowly came to the realization that her days as a cop were over, she would have to adjust to life in a wheel chair. She would also have to find a home that was accessible, a new apartment that was designed with wheel chair use in mind.

There was also the possibility of a nurse to assist with things she still had issues doing on her own, bathing was one, lifting herself in and out of the bed, being able to transfer herself from the wheel chair without falling. It would be a while before she had that down, her therapist said it could take a year or longer before she was able to live on her own assistance free. That prospect alone brought her down even more.

With these thoughts running through her head, she knew Alex wouldn't want such a burden put on her. Olivia decided it was time to cut the ties, she needed to learn to live without Alex. She knew she wouldn't be able to handle seeing her and not being near her, with this in mind, she saw herself being coddled. Alex would offer to help Olivia, and Olivia would push her away, getting mad when Alex insisted. If Olivia did need help, she asked for a nurse to assist her, breaking Alex's heart along the way. Alex couldn't figure out what was going on, everything seemed to have been going okay and then it stopped. She had planned on taking Olivia home with her, but Olivia didn't seem to be on the same page.

* * *

Olivia woke with a start; the feeling of panic stirring her. Disoriented, she looked around, finding her self alone, she struggled to sit up as frustration creased her brow.

"Shit, Fucking legs..." she cursed under her breath, "move dammit, move!"

Olivia struggled to sit up, hating her legs for not listening to her. Looking around the room, she noticed her wheel chair wasn't too far from the bed, deciding now was the time to test how well she could cope without support. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and leaned forward, grabbing the chair by an armrest and jerkily pulled it closer. Grabbing the bedrail that was already lowered with her left hand and leaning over and grasping the right armrest of the chair, she wobbly lifted herself up and attempted to seat herself in the chair.

A failed attempt at that, the chair flew back into the wall as Olivia flopped to the floor cracking her head on the footrest of the chair, knocking herself unconscious.

* * *

Hope you liked, again sorry for such a long awaited update... Thanks again to Vivalab.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks to everyone for reading... the same applies as before, I don't own the characters and if you don't like femslash don't read. Hope you enjoy.

Chap 9

* * *

Olivia lay crumpled on the floor, oblivious to the sounds of the hospital echoing in the hall. The steady cadence of heels clicking along the hallway echoed throughout the room.

Alex held a drink carrier with two cups of fresh coffee as her other hand sported a bag filled with freshly baked pastries. Alex spoke with the nurse, asking if there was any news on the detectives' mobility. Making a quick note of the conversation she steered toward the door, noting the bed was empty. Glancing around the room she noticed Olivia laying in an awkward twisted position on the floor.

Olivia wasn't moving.

Alex screamed as she ran to Olivia, dropping the forgotten beverages and food in her haste to get to the fallen detective.

"Babe, come on, wake up... Olivia, come on Hun wake up.." Alex panicked, cradling her head in her arms. She gently patted Olivia's cheek trying to rouse her.

With no response from the detective, she yelled for help. Looking up, she saw the call button for the nurse; Alex grabbed the controller and began pounding the button with her thumb.

A static reply came over the intercom.

"This is Nurse Riley can I help?" came the calm reply.

"My girlfriend... she fell from her bed, she isn't waking up, help... please help…" cried Alex, "Oh god, please somebody..."

Panic enveloped Alex, fearing the possibilities of what may have happened and what and what this may mean it was just to much; she just went to get them something different other than their usual hospital food. She thought this would help lighten Olivia's sour disposition she had been in lately. Now, all she could feel was guilt for leaving her alone, for even the short period of time she was gone. She should have known better.

Nurse Riley came rushing in with two other nurses as Olivia laid clutched in Alex's grip.

"Ma'am, You need to let us treat her," the nurse said. "We need to lift her onto the bed, ok?" the nurse continued.

Alex looked up, tears streaming down her cheeks. "She isn't waking up," she tearfully replied, breaking the nurses heart.

"It'll be ok hun, she probably just bumped her head pretty good," the nurse stated, trying to calm Alex.

"As soon as we get in her into bed, I'll page her doctor, we'll go from there and see what we can do, alright dear?" Surveyed the nurse.

Alex numbly nodded her head, thankful for some direction.

* * *

The three nurses worked to lift Olivia from the floor, stabilizing her neck as they prepared to move her. Alex rushed to pull the bed covers further aside so Olivia could be easily laid into place and recovered. She wondered to herself what could her girlfriend been thinking, trying to get up on her own. She chastised herself for leaving, even if it was just a few minutes.

"There we go…" cooed nurse Riley. She looked up to see the worry painted on the young woman's face, a look she had seen the countless times before.

"She'll be ok dear, she has just tried to push herself. Some of our more strong willed patients get antsy and want to do it all, especially when they are used to being independent" The nurse spoke as she continued fretting over their patient. Looking up, she then spoke to the other two nurses, "Thanks girls, I have it from her…" Riley said dismissing them.

The two nurses left with a slight nod as they walked around the bed and out the door.

"Now dear, if you don't mind watching our patient I am going to go call the doctor and tell her what predicament we have and page an orderly to clean up the coffee. We'll see what Dr. Foster would like to do with miss stubborn here. OK?" she spoke gently to Alex.

Alex nodded her head in agreement.

* * *

Dr. Foster came in with her clipboard in hand. Olivia still hadn't woke up and Alex was beginning to fear she wouldn't.

"Morning Alex, looks like our patient is actually a little impatient, and it would seem she decided she was going to get going on her own today…" spoke the doctor.

"Yeah, I went to get us some coffee and breakfast, she was still asleep when I left." Alex tried to explain through her tears. "When I got back I found her on the floor and she hasn't moved and she hasn't woken up since her fall."

The doctor moved to Olivia's bed side and leaned over their patient, running her nimble fingers over the patient's head. Coming to lump on the backside of the dark haired woman's head, "Yep, we have a small oval shaped knot on the back of her head, it's small but I want to make sure it isn't anything major. I'm going to order up a CT scan just to be on the safe side. I'm guessing with the bump on her head combined with the stress of her current situation she has knocked herself out for a bit. She'll have a pretty mean headache when she wakes up." She then looked over to Alex, noting her ashen face.

"Alex, She'll be ok. She's just knocked herself out. OK?" the doctor paused then spoke again, "We wont worry until there is a good reason too, no since in making your self sick." The doctor stated more firmly, trying to impose firm comfort to Alex. Alex just merely nodded, still a bit stunned over the current events.

* * *

The doctor ordered up new CT scans and Olivia was taken, unaware to her surroundings, for her test.

Alex tried to wait patiently, but failed miserably. She would fidget in her seat, or pace about the room like a caged lion. Occasionally alternating from tapping her toe to sitting cross-legged in her chair flipping her foot up and down in the air. To no avail, the stress and worry would not subside. Alex was wound tight with worry and frustrations.

The nurse pushing Olivia's bed steered her back into the room, not once did Olivia wake up to jostling of the bed. Alex waited with anxiously for the nurse to get the bed locked back into place. Once done, she politely smiled to Alex and excused her self from the room. Alex raced to Olivia's bedside, finding her beloved detective still unconscious.

Shortly after the detectives arrival back to the room, she began to move about, not quite waking up but moving about. Alex felt relief begin to wash over her. It had been almost two hours since she had found the detective. A long two hours of nervous waiting. As the detective twitched and moved about the bed, Alex took her hand and softly cooed for her to open her eyes. Alex gently caressed her cheek with one hand while holding Olivia's other hand with her other hand.

Just as Olivia's eye fluttered, the doctor walked into the room with a large white folder and clip board in hand.

"Afternoon Alex, looks like someone is trying to rejoin the land of the living..." she smiled to the women.

Alex looked back to Olivia, noting the blinking eyes that were trying to focus on her. Alex smiled warmly at the detective..."hey there, where'd you go?" She asked.

Olivia looked up at Alex, confusion painting her features. "Alex?" she asked, "What's going on?"

This took Alex back... she was affraid Olivia had taken a step back in her recovery, but the doctor was quick to ketch on.

"Alex, she may not remember what happened this morning. Why don't we ask her what she does remember and go from there?"

Alex nodded and looked back to her girlfriend.

"Liv, do you know where we are?"

Olivia looked from the doctor to Alex and back again..."yeah, where in the hospital, remember... me, shot, can't move..." Olivia replied sharply.

Alex bit her tongue, remember that Olivia may not remember everything that has happened. Sighing, she took Olivia's hand back into hers, "Liv, do you remember anything about this morning?"

Olivia looked at her puzzled, "Uh, no.... I've been asleep... but my head is killing me. I feels like someone knocked me in the head with a frying pan, other than that nothing has changed, I still can't move my legs. Why?"

Alex sighed, "Liv, it's nearly one in the afternoon, I came back this morning from getting us coffee and pastries and found you on the floor next to the bed... you were out cold. You wouldn't move or wake up." Alex looked into Olivia's eyes, watching for recognition..."do you remember what happened?" She asked.

Olivia slowly shook her head as she raised her free hand to the back of her head... her eyes grew large as she felt the knot and pain shot out from it. Looking to Alex, she asked, "How long have I been out?"

"I don't know hun, I was only gone for 20 minutes, so I am guessing several hours."

Doctor Foster smiled, "don't worry ladies, she is awake so the main concern is gone, she does have a mild concussion, but with her waking up, I'm not to concerned, we'll just keep an eye on it for the next 24 hours." She looked to the two women, Alex nodded her head.

* * *

With the morning events finally calming dawn, Alex began their routine exercises that she regularly helped Olivia with before Olivia would leave to meet with her physical therapist. Olivia for her part felt guilty for making the luscious attorney worry more. She knew she would need help once she left the hospital, she just didn't want to admit it to herself, but know she had too.

Olivia laid on her back in the bed as Alex moved her legs. One at a time Alex would bend them at the knee and then straighten them out, helping Olivia's lower half get the blood circulating and keeping her muscles from atrophying. Olivia was staring at the ceiling while Alex was flexing her right leg again, on the push up Olivia felt the twinge in her right knee.

Olivia released a startled gasped and jerked her torso causing the attorney to look up from her ministrations... "Liv, whats wrong? Did I bump your head?"

Olivia's eye were large as she looked down her body to Alex, she shook her head slowly and audibly gulped. Quietly, just above a whisper Olivia spoke, "Get the doctor... somethings not right... my knee twinged and now it feels like liquid lava is running down my leg."

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Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review!


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